My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

Chapter 35 Confucius's Coffin Board and Liu Bang's "Immortal's Tent"

In late spring in Xianyang, willow catkins fluttered in the air like a heavy snowfall, but with an annoying itch.

In the back garden of the Epang Palace, a strangely shaped wooden machine is creaking rhythmically. This is a "human-powered treadmill" designed by the leader of the Mohist school and improved based on the principle of a waterwheel.

The base is a row of smooth, round hardwood rollers covered with a thick layer of cowhide tracks.

Wearing light training clothes and soft-soled cloth shoes, Ying Zheng was sweating profusely on the machine. He held onto the horizontal bar with both hands, his steps were steady, and his breathing was coordinated with the "aerobic heart rate zone" taught by Xiao G, keeping him in a state of being slightly out of breath but not lacking oxygen.

"Report the numbers," Ying Zheng commanded breathlessly.

Hu Hai, who was squatting next to him, was holding an hourglass and a small notebook, staring at the fine sand in the hourglass.

"Father, we've been walking for a quarter of an hour. Heart rate... well, judging from your rosy complexion, it should be around 120. Calories burned... about the equivalent of two steamed buns."

Ying Zheng slowly stopped and stepped off the tracks. Zhao Gao immediately handed him a warm, damp towel and a cup of lightly salted water.

"Two steamed buns?" Ying Zheng wiped his sweat, somewhat displeased. "I've been walking for so long, and I've only used up two steamed buns? Is this 'calorie' calculation wrong?"

"Father, I've heard that losing weight is going against nature, while gaining weight is going with the flow, it's really difficult," Hu Hai said with a grin. "But look at your calves, aren't they stronger than before? Last night I heard the imperial physician say that you don't snore anymore when you sleep."

Ying Zheng pinched his calf muscles; indeed, they were taut and strong. Since he started exercising regularly and eating a light diet, the drowsiness that had accompanied him for years had indeed lessened considerably.

"This machine is quite good." Ying Zheng took a sip of water. "Have the Mohists build a few more and send them...send them to the residences of those old generals."

"Wang Ben and Meng Wu are getting old and can no longer ride horses to fight. They stay at home drinking and eating meat every day and are so fat that they can hardly walk. Let them walk a bit, lest they go to see the late emperor before I have completed my great cause."

"Yes, Father!" Hu Hai noted it down. "What should this machine be called? It needs to have a grand name."

Ying Zheng thought for a moment and said, "Let's call it... 'Longevity Terrace'."

Just as the father and son were enjoying a peaceful and harmonious time, a loud cry of crying faintly came from outside the palace walls, breaking the tranquility of the early morning.

Ying Zheng frowned: "What's all this commotion?"

Li Si walked in from outside with a gloomy look on his face, a clump of willow catkins still stuck to his official hat.

"Your Majesty, something has happened."

"It's those Confucian scholars!" Li Si gritted his teeth. "Although Chunyu Yue has become the principal, these old sages... are so stubborn! They're kneeling outside the palace gates, saying things like 'the medical school's destruction of corpses is an outrage against both gods and men,' and demanding that His Majesty abolish dissection and severely punish Xia Wuqie!"

"They even said...they even said His Majesty is inciting the people to be unfilial! Confucius must be turning in his grave!"

……

Outside the gates of Xianyang Palace, a hundred or so Confucian scholars were kneeling.

Most of them were descendants of nobles from the former six states. Although they had entered the Epang Palace University, their deep-seated concept of "tradition" had not been eliminated. The act of dissecting corpses completely crossed their bottom line.

"Our bodies, hair, and skin are given to us by our parents; we dare not damage them—this is the beginning of filial piety!"

"To disembowel a person, to take out their heart and lungs—this is the way of demons! This is the behavior of barbarians!"

The leading old Confucian scholar, his head banged against the floor tiles, blood streaming down his face, was still reciting the Classic of Filial Piety at the top of his lungs.

The surrounding crowd pointed and whispered. Although they enjoyed the benefits of running water and new medical care, this practice of "dying without a complete body" did indeed cause a lot of panic and controversy among the people.

"Clang—"

The palace gates were wide open.

No imperial guards rushed out to arrest anyone, nor did any eunuchs come out to reprimand them.

Dozens of burly men carried frames covered with black cloth to the center of the square. Then, Ying Zheng, surrounded by a group of black-armored guards, slowly walked out.

He didn't take a car; he walked out on his own. His steps were steady, his eyes sharp, and the vitality he exuded, a result of long-term health maintenance, made him look ten years younger than his actual age.

"Shut up, all of you."

Ying Zheng's voice wasn't loud, but it carried a suffocating sense of oppression. The cries and screams in the square instantly ceased.

He walked up to the leading old scholar and looked down at him.

"What's your name?"

"I am Kong Fu, an eighth-generation descendant of Confucius." The old scholar was afraid, but he still stuck out his neck.

"Oh, a descendant of a sage." Ying Zheng nodded. "I've heard you want to protect 'filial piety'?"

"Exactly!" Kong Fu exclaimed. "Your Majesty's establishment of medical academies and autopsies for medical examinations, though ostensibly for the purpose of saving lives, is a cruel practice that disturbs the peace of the dead and chills the hearts of the living! If everyone can mutilate corpses, where is the propriety and music? Where is filial piety?"

Ying Zheng smiled.

He turned around and yanked off a black cloth covering a shelf next to him.

There was no body.

It was a huge, transparent glass box. Inside the box was a simple wooden frame, and hanging on the frame was a tattered scholar's robe that hadn't been washed for months and was covered in grease and lice.

Next to the glass box was the "super magnifying glass" that had terrified Xia Wuqie—a prototype of the combination lens microscope newly developed by the Mo family.

"Kong Fu, come here."

Ying Zheng pointed to the magnifying glass.

"I won't argue with you about the dead. Let's look at the living first."

"You call yourself a disciple of a sage, emphasizing neat attire and proper etiquette. Then tell me, are you even clean?"

Kong Fu was taken aback: "This humble person bathes daily, and although my clothes are old, they are still neat."

"Is that so?" Ying Zheng sneered. "Then take a look at this."

Kong Fu suspiciously leaned closer to the magnifying glass and looked at the collar of the Confucian robe.

The next second, he jerked back as if he had been burned, his face turning deathly pale and his whole body trembling.

"What...what is this?!"

Under a magnifying glass, what was originally just a slightly dirty collar turned into a terrifying den of iniquity. Countless fat lice were crawling between the fibers, their eggs densely packed together, and you could even see the lice's menacing mouthparts and the bristles on their legs.

"These are lice," Ying Zheng said calmly. "The kind of thing you usually scratch when you feel itchy."

"But in my eyes, this is the seed of plague."

Ying Zheng turned around and faced all the Confucian scholars.

"You keep saying 'Our bodies and hair are given to us by our parents.' Then I ask you, is it filial piety to let these millions of insects devour your bodies, drink your blood, and even spread plagues to your parents, wife, and children?"

"Xia Wuqie dissected the corpse to find the real murderer, and to prevent the living—your parents—from dying from illness."

"Saving one person is a small act of kindness; saving the world is a great act of kindness."

"You cling to the rules of the dead, yet ignore the suffering of the living. Is this your doctrine?"

Ying Zheng's voice suddenly rose in pitch, like a thunderclap.

"I tell you! In Qin, the greatest filial piety is to live! To live healthily! To care for your parents in their old age and see them off in their final days, not to let your parents, with their white hair, bury their black-haired children!"

"From this day forward, anyone who dares to say that dissection is unfilial will be locked in this glass box by me, and I'll let him talk to these lice about what 'propriety, righteousness, integrity, and a sense of shame' really mean!"

Kong Fu collapsed to the ground.

It wasn't just because of the visual impact, but also because Qin Shi Huang's logic—"survival is justice"—completely shattered the metaphysical moral high ground of Confucianism.

"Your Majesty..." Kong Fu murmured to himself, "Is this...is this the investigation of things?"

"Yes." Ying Zheng waved his sleeve. "This is the investigation of things. Seeing what cannot be seen and understanding what cannot be understood."

"deliver an imperial order!"

"Effective immediately, the Great Qin Hygiene Law shall be promulgated. All citizens of Great Qin shall regularly bathe, cut their hair, and exterminate lice. Public bathhouses shall be established throughout Xianyang."

"The first lesson for Confucian scholars entering the Imperial Academy is not memorizing texts, but taking a bath! Those who cannot wash away the lice on their bodies are not allowed to enter!"

……

This controversy surrounding the "corpse" ultimately ended with the "lice" emerging victorious.

Within Xianyang, a "bathing craze" quickly swept through the city. Soap sales skyrocketed, forcing Zhao Gao to expand the soap factory overnight. And those scholars who had previously prided themselves on their refined tastes no longer greeted each other with "Have you eaten?" but rather "Have you bathed?"

In the far south, in the jungles of the Baiyue people.

Another revolution about "survival" is underway in a more commercialized and also more farcical way.

The humid heat of Lingnan is a hundred times worse than the sweltering heat of Xianyang. Mosquitoes swarm like clouds, and venomous snakes are everywhere.

But in the Qin army's front-line camp, all was peaceful at this moment.

The soldiers no longer had their heads covered in mosquito bites like before, but slept peacefully in a white, thin, smoky tent.

This thing is called a "cloud tent," which is a mosquito net.

This was created by Liu Bang after he arrived in the south and discovered there were too many mosquitoes. He immediately wrote to Ying Zheng and asked the Imperial Household Department to improve the method using the finest gauze. To prevent insect infestation, the gauze was also soaked in diluted artemisia juice.

At this moment, Liu Bang was sitting under a large banyan tree, holding a coconut in his hand and sucking the coconut juice through a reed tube. Opposite him sat a Baiyue tribe chief covered in tattoos and with feathers in his hair.

The leader stared wide-eyed at the mosquito net hanging behind Liu Bang.

"This...divine object?" the leader asked in broken, elegant language.

"Of course!" Liu Bang put down the coconut and began his performance. "Brother, do you know why your people are always sick, but ours aren't?"

"Because we have this 'Divine Canopy'! It was woven by the Weaver Girl from Heaven at the request of His Majesty the Qin Emperor!"

"Once you crawl inside, mosquitoes can't get in, poisonous gases can't get in, and even evil spirits can't get in! Sleeping inside is warm in winter and cool in summer, and it prolongs your life!"

A longing gleamed in the leader's eyes. The mosquitoes in Lingnan were too vicious; every night was torture to sleep.

"Change! I'll change!" The leader pointed to a pile of ivory and jade behind him.

"Hey, talking about money hurts feelings," Liu Bang waved his hand, his face full of righteousness. "We're friends now. I'll give you ten of these tents!"

The leader was overjoyed: "Really?!"

"You really are giving it away! But..." Liu Bang changed the subject, leaning closer, "I heard that the mountain behind your village is covered with those dark, hard logs?"

"That? You can't eat that." The chief asked, puzzled.

"Yes, yes, you can't eat it. But my Emperor likes to collect rotten wood." Liu Bang smiled like a fox stealing a chicken. "Here's what we'll do: you have people cut down the wood and transport it to the riverbank. In return, I'll trade you this 'Immortal Tent' and this 'Cooling Oil'."

"One piece of wood, one box of oil. Ten pieces of wood, one tent. How about it?"

The leader did some mental calculations.

The mountains are full of timber, but nobody wants it. Mosquito nets and medicated oil are lifesavers.

Those Qin people are fools!

"Exchange! Deal!" The leader, fearing that Liu Bang might change his mind, immediately made the decision.

Watching the leader happily leave with the mosquito net, Han Xin pushed up his non-existent glasses and shook his head.

"Brother Liu, you're too heartless."

"That kind of hardwood, transported back to Xianyang for shipbuilding and cart making, is worth a fortune. And you traded it for a few feet of tattered gauze?"

Liu Bang took a sip of coconut juice and chuckled.

"Old Han, this is called 'each getting what they need'."

"Besides, I'm not just doing business, I'm 'saving lives'."

"Think about it, when they go to cut down trees, they won't have time to hunt or sharpen their knives. After they've finished cutting down the trees and have the money, they'll buy our tents and wine, and live comfortably. Who would want to fight us then?"

"This is called... 'commercial pacifism'."

Han Xin had to admit that Liu Bang's fallacious and heretical arguments were more effective in dealing with the Baiyue people than his military strategies.

In just three months, the Qin army advanced three hundred li without losing a single soldier.

The tribes along the way were all busy cutting down trees, mining, and catching kingfishers to exchange for the Qin people's "divine resources".

……

The news reached Xianyang.

Ying Zheng was in high spirits as he looked at the shiploads of precious hardwood and spices sent by Liu Bang, as well as the battle report of "zero casualties".

"Little G".

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"This Liu Bang is truly a talent. How come I never realized before that rogues are actually a rare resource?"

[Your Majesty, Liu Bang was not only a rogue, he was a top-notch "resource integration master".]

He knows how to transform your technological advantages into economic advantages, and then into political advantages.

This is the earliest form of "trade surplus".

Ying Zheng nodded and picked up a lychee that had been transported from the south.

Peel it open, and the flesh is translucent.

"It tastes good."

"However, I'm thinking about something else."

Ying Zheng looked out the window.

"Xia Wuqie's medical school has been established, and hygiene laws have been promulgated. The adult's life is half saved."

"However, I have taken a look at the household registration statistics."

Ying Zheng picked up a form.

"Of the babies born in the Great Qin Dynasty each year, only 60% survive to be over three years old."

"For many women, childbirth is like passing through the gates of hell, resulting in the death of both mother and child."

"Population is the foundation of the Great Qin. If children die at birth, no matter how vast the territory I conquer, no one will live there."

Ying Zheng stood up, his gaze turning serious.

"Little G, was childbirth this dangerous for women in your time?"

[Before the intervention of modern medicine, this was indeed the case. Puerperal fever, dystocia, and tetanus were the three major killers.]

However, in modern times, this is a manageable risk.

The key elements are: aseptic delivery (hand washing and disinfection), episiotomy (to prevent tearing and massive bleeding), and... forceps delivery.

"Forceps?"

[A tool that can pull a stuck baby out. It looks scary, but it can save lives.]

Ying Zheng took a deep breath.

"Li Si".

Li Si, who had been waiting outside the hall, hurried in. His hemorrhoids were completely healed, and he now walked with a brisk pace.

"Your subject is here."

"Draft an imperial edict."

"Within the medical school, a 'Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology' will be established. Female doctors will be specially recruited, selected from palace maids or midwives from the general population."

"I want Xia Wuqie to compile a set of 'Great Qin Midwifery Standards'."

"Tell those midwives that from now on, before delivering babies, they must trim their nails, wash their hands with soap, and boil their scissors in hot water!"

"If anyone touches a new mother with dirty hands again, or cuts the umbilical cord with rusty scissors, I will cut off her hands!"

Li Si was stunned for a moment, then overjoyed.

"Your Majesty! This is an act of compassion that benefits all families!"

"If we can ensure the safety of mother and child, the population of Great Qin will surely double within ten years!"

Ying Zheng looked at the map.

"Doubling is great!"

"Only with a large population can we fill the Baiyue region and develop the Hexi Corridor."

"My Great Qin must not only have iron cavalry, but also countless cradles."

That year, the Qin Dynasty's technological advancements expanded from cold steel and gunpowder to the softest and warmest places.

When the first sterilized forceps was successfully used on a woman in difficult labor, and when that clear cry rang out in the medical school.

Ying Zheng knew he had won.

He didn't win a war; he snatched the future back from the clutches of death.